Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
