Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
