rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Drunk is not a location!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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