I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
