All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Less talking, more tequila
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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