i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
How naked do you want me to be?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
