I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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