ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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