Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
