I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize