Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
