ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
