I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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