We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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