After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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