she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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