At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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