she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
as a side note pls kill me
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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