i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize