I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
