you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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