so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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