I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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