I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize