Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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