I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
