dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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