He disabled his match.com account in front of me
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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