Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
