When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
