so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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