May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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