Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
