Can Purell be used as lube?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
