mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
