ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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