We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
