i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
