I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
