whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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