Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
