Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
