im about as happy as oj after his trial
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
