He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
