he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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