I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
