Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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