then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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