saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
