I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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