Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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