i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
