i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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