Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
