Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
