its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
