I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
