how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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