we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
