oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
