I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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