The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
