dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
