The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
