She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
