I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just want nice things and good sex
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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