I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We talked him into tasing himself.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
