pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize